i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want her autograph on my taint
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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