I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
