dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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