Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
