His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
