Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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