Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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