There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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