i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
