So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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