you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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