peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my sisters under your porch take her home
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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