i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
