last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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