no one should ever give us hovercrafts
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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