I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
