I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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