Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
