I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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