she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
