I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
