He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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