I am spending my child support on dildos
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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