you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
