I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
