If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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