shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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