you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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