oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
