Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
