I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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