Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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