I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
