I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
