please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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