Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
