No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
