I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize