so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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