Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
