You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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