I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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