Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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