We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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