I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
