I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
