I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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