is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
