i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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