I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
