my phone needs a breathalizer
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
