You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
