i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
