finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
