white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
