hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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