I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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