Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
