she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
