8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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