you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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