Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
