I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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