My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize