yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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