we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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